I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize