I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
