I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
