After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
