Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
