He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
