$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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