Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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