Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
