Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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