You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
