just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
