At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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