i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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