just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
