this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
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Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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