So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
