hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
