He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
