The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
