Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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