Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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