I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
