I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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