maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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