Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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