She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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