You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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