shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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