so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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