I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dick very happy bro
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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