Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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