in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
