and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
