So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
