u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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