I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
