I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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