You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
