Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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