Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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