so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
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she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
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you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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