He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
