I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
