My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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