Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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