Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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