I feel like abortions should bother me more
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
where are my eyebrows?
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