the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
