I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize