Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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