We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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