we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm passing your future prison.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
