He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
