I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
