When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
