Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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