Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
