No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
