we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
