I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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