woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
