I got chris browned last night
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
