I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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