end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Randomize
