you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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